Come on! Stop listening to your parents and lead your own life

Okay, I am happy the title caught your eye 😀 read on…

wpid-wp-1437771107656.png

Transalation: Does not cross the line drawn (by a parent)!

I have been having  trouble trying to suppress my disinterest when I hear statements such as “He/She listens to his parent’s words and follows their advice only” , in Tamil they say ” Naan kizhicha kotta thaanda maata” meaning the child does not cross the line we lay. There are two interpretations here : (and other kinds!)

1. The said person really follows only the parent’s words and never talks back or , has no mind to think of their own.

2. The said person gives an illusion that they are an ideal child but who leads his/her own desired life but does not reveal it to the parents. Gives an illusion in real, over phone or Skype.

or

3. Has a mind of their own but lacks the confidence/resources to defy the parents and lead the life they want. (I have a lot of support and sympathy for such)

and then there is the fourth which I love (kindof ideal)

4. The ones who lead the life they want,have their own mind (and soul) and who are open about it and yet have a relationship that is based on love .

and last but not the least

5. Those who don’t give a shit and just lead their own way without caring about anyone.

So this post is about the above statement and what it depicts of the society. I heard the story of a neighbor of mine who refused to marry a boy when she knew that he gives his whole salary to his dad and expected her to do the same. When she asked why seems he replied ‘Father knows best.” (!!!!) Same with many girls as well who listen to their parents and then carry the pattern over to the husbands when they get married. There is famous Tamil movie called “Santhosh Subramaniam” where the son is of category number 3 and becomes 2 and finally turns into number 4. The whole movie is based about a controlling father and the meek son and a scene shows how he is taken to see a girl to marry and she answers “Appa sonnarunga” meaning “Dad told me” the whole time and totally gets to his nerves.

Anyways coming back to topic.. what should I really respond when someone says that? Is that what we want from any individual? Growing up to have no backbone or a mind of their own? Shouldn’t we feel proud when a child defies you with confidence? Shouldn’t we start living our own lives when we become adults instead of holding to the pallu(tip of a dress) of our moms sarees? I want the society to accept the fact that people can make mistakes yet lead their own lives rather than listen to someone ‘experienced’ , ‘elder’, ‘wise’ etc etc. The best people have their own life experiences to back up not someone else’s. Because the same people who support this so called following don’t just end it there but also reprimand when the line is crossed. Shouldn’t lines be crossed to learn where the line is? This could be a really long post but I wanted it to be short and just get this topic out for discussion,

I wish we have more parents who say do what you want and I ll support you. Children (who grow up to be adults)  should be taught to listen to all sides but in the end to make their own choices. And even better I want the statement “Naa kizhicha kotta thaanda maata ” to become extinct.

P.S. Though I love 4’s I do secretly love the 5’s just for their attitude 😛

What is your thought when you hear such a statement? What is the change you want? Who are you among 1-5?  Let me know 🙂

Why everyone should know about domestic abuse!

I want every young adult male/female to know what is domestic violence, not because we are anticipating it but just because it happens around us and we better be prepared to identify it when it happens. The statistics are alarming. One in 4 women get abused in their lifetime. In our patriarchal society in India many cases never come out. They are muffled by the family, community and so called moral values. It is considered a shame to walk out of a marriage and many women and children are killed in this process. Abuse can happen in many different ways ranging from that loving husband who is the best except when he cannot stand up when his parents abuse his wife to the husband who threatens to kill each time a woman talks. There are also those who are extremely charming and shower you with gifts as long as you listen to the dress code he “suggests” or listen to his advice “don’t talk to that guy my darling..please. I love you and I don’t like him”. And no it does not happen to women who are weak or have no voice but for anyone. We just forget that we don’t deserve to be treated any less than what we deserve. We justify for our scriptures, our community and our family but forget about ourselves in this process.

In this video Leslie, a super successful Ivy league school graduate talks about how she was lured and abused.

So what is this circle..here you go

wheels_large

The Department of Justice define domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner.  Domestic violence can be physical, sexual, emotional, economic, or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, terrorize, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, injure, or wound someone.

So how does it look when you are in a equal, peaceful relationship?

wheels_large

All of us think it will not happen to me or I will never stay in such a relationship. But we never know how we would react if it really happens. So be aware and make your choices as wisely as you can. And remember it is always better to stand up for yourself and be in peace than be miserable just for the family or community. Hope this helps!

Please feel free to share your thoughts and any resources that might be helpful.