Weddings depict happiness, joy and all the other good things. But they also are a representation to show your social status to the society around you. Even in 2015, you see many many families being measured and judged by the kind of wedding they throw. You see people comment on how good X’s wedding dinner was sitting at Y’s. You see relatives whispering about the amount of gold that was given to a daughter.
You see families comparing weddings that happened in the same generation. And mainly the focus of this post is about how the GIRL or BRIDE’s family is expected to ‘conduct’ the wedding. (Correct me if any of the above are wrong). Haven’t we heard of girl’s parents falling in debt by conducting a wedding or X’s wedding being called off because the girl’s parents were not well-off to provide what was asked for by the groom’s side?
“Indian wedding Delhi” by Yogita – Wedding. Licensed under CC BY 3.0 via Commons – https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Indian_wedding_Delhi.jpg#/media/File:Indian_wedding_Delhi.jpg
In the big picture, this is a very small piece. But if this changes, it is one step towards changing the thought process of people considering girl children a burden. If only parents knew that they don’t have to take responsibility of their daughter’s wedding or that they don’t have to save up for ‘dowry’ or ‘gifts’ as some call it, they might start educating their daughters better.
While it is a choice for those who can afford, it will be a boon for those who cannot. This might make many youngsters think and even change their opinion about the kind of wedding they want to have.
When I expressed this opinion to some, people these are the comments I received.
Your parents will feel insulted if you expect a boy’s family to share expenses:
Why? Shouldn’t they be proud? Shouldn’t they feel relieved that their burden has reduced? And now they can plan for that retirement vacation they had planned for years instead of spending it on my wedding. There is no reason to bring our egos out here. I am not recommending you to split every penny or to bicker over equality. All I am pointing out is to come out with something practical to involve both parties.
The boy might be earning more than you so how is it equal?
All the more reason for him to pitch in. We know for a fact that women earn only 80 cents per dollar a man earns so when we are striving to bridge that inequality why not take advantage of it too.
What if you quit your job after marriage or after you have a child? (meaning you won’t bring in any money!)
Erm.. I quit to take care of our child? And he works to do the same. Again, it is a division of responsibility and paying for my wedding is definitely not a ‘paid-in-advance’ thing. What if he decides to quit or god-forbid gets laid off?
What will the society say when they get to know about it? Why should anyone know what is happening at my wedding. Well, in a way I would be proud to spread the word to inspire more youngsters but either way who cares what the society thinks? Who is paying for the roof above my head and the food I eat?
If the boy has a sister then they would have already spent for her wedding.
Duh! Isn’t the whole point here to make everyone join the team? If they did already spend then that is no reason for me to spend for mine. If that has not already happened then this decision would make them side for their daughter’s equality as well.
It is the parent’s responsibility to pay for their child’s wedding.
I deny it. I have never expected my parents to be responsible for anything after they educated me. I have a career and my own life. So a wedding is my life of which they are a part. Of course they can contribute towards it but it is not their ‘responsibility’.
Especially in India where the wedding pertains to the families more than the bride and the groom, I do wish the trend changes and the couples take more stand in deciding their guest list and the size of the wedding.To understand that wedding is intimate and special. The more obligations or societal approval means more expenses and more responsibilities leading to less enjoyment and celebration. Ask any couple who spent 6 hours standing on a stage , smiling and being polite to strangers on their most cherished day , they would any day swap it to a small , fun-filled one which involves only the people who really care about them.
What do you think about this? Will you support weddings that are shared equally or not? Do you have any interesting incidents to share with my readers?
Do leave a comment if you stop by 🙂
A similar version was published on Women’s Web .