Weddings are about sharing too!

This post was featured on the Tangy Tuesday picks by BlogAdda.

Weddings depict happiness, joy and all the other good things. But they also are a representation to show your social status to the society around you. Even in 2015, you see many many families being measured and judged by the kind of wedding they throw. You see people comment on how good X’s wedding dinner was sitting at Y’s. You see relatives whispering about the amount of gold that was given to a daughter.


You see families comparing weddings that happened in the same generation. And mainly the focus of this post is about how the GIRL or BRIDE’s family is expected to ‘conduct’ the wedding. (Correct me if any of the above are wrong). Haven’t we heard of girl’s parents falling in debt by conducting a wedding or  X’s wedding being called off because the girl’s parents were not well-off to provide what was asked for by the groom’s side?

“Indian wedding Delhi” by Yogita – Wedding. Licensed under CC BY 3.0 via Commons – https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Indian_wedding_Delhi.jpg#/media/File:Indian_wedding_Delhi.jpg

In the big picture, this is a very small piece. But if this changes, it is one step towards changing the thought process of people considering girl children a burden. If only parents knew that they don’t have to take responsibility of their daughter’s wedding or that they don’t have to save up for ‘dowry’ or ‘gifts’ as some call it, they might start educating their daughters better.

While it is a choice for those who can afford, it will be a boon for those who cannot. This might make many youngsters think and even change their opinion about the kind of wedding they want to have.

When I expressed this opinion to some, people these are the comments I received.

Your parents will feel insulted if you expect a boy’s family to share expenses:
Why? Shouldn’t they be proud? Shouldn’t they feel relieved that their burden has reduced? And now they can plan for that retirement vacation they had planned for years instead of spending it on my wedding. There is no reason to bring our egos out here. I am not recommending you to split every penny or  to bicker over equality. All I am pointing out is to come out with something practical to involve both parties.

The boy might be earning more than you so how is it equal?
All the more reason for him to pitch in. We know for a fact that women earn only 80 cents per dollar a man earns so when we are striving to bridge that inequality why not take advantage of it too.

What if you quit your job after marriage or after you have a child? (meaning you won’t bring in any money!)
Erm.. I quit to take care of our child? And he works to do the same. Again, it is a division of responsibility and paying for my wedding is definitely not a ‘paid-in-advance’ thing. What if he decides to quit or god-forbid gets laid off?

What will the society say when they get to know about it? Why should anyone know what is happening at my wedding. Well, in a way I would be proud to spread the word to inspire more youngsters but either way who cares what the society thinks?  Who is paying for the roof above my head and the food I eat?

If the boy has a sister then they would have already spent for her wedding.
Duh! Isn’t the whole point here to make everyone join the team? If they did already spend then that is no reason for me to spend for mine. If that has not already happened then this decision would make them side for their daughter’s equality as well.

It is the parent’s responsibility to pay for their child’s wedding.
I deny it. I have never expected my parents to be responsible for anything after they educated me. I have a career and my own life. So a wedding is my life of which they are a part. Of course they can contribute towards it but it is not their ‘responsibility’.

Especially in India where the wedding pertains to the families more than the bride and the groom, I do wish the trend changes and the couples take more stand in deciding their guest list and the size of the wedding.To understand that wedding is intimate and special. The more obligations or societal approval means more expenses and more responsibilities leading to less enjoyment and celebration. Ask any couple who spent 6 hours standing on a stage , smiling and being polite to strangers on their most cherished day , they would any day swap it to a small , fun-filled one which involves only the people who really care about them.

What do you think about this? Will you support weddings that are shared equally or not? Do you have any interesting incidents to share with my readers?

Do leave a comment if you stop by 🙂

A similar version was published on Women’s Web .

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12 thoughts on “Weddings are about sharing too!

  1. As a matter of fact, my parents paid for my wedding whereas the reception was paid for by my in-laws. I do believe they ended up paying more because their guest list was huge compared to ours, but it’s not something that I actively investigated!
    The idea of not sharing the workload and the financial costs is ludicrous in this day and age!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes we would think it is ridiculous but it isn’t for many. I have friends who are my age, highly educated, working and whom I couldn’t talk out of saving ‘for gifts’ aka dowry and who say maybe my ideas would apply to the next generation :-/ And ofcourse there are a good number who are stepping up as well.

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  2. The points you dissected so beautifully indeed hold true in this age and society. If only more and more people realised this and came forward to implement this. I plan to do a small wedding. You can count me in the list 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. We did it too. 28 yrs ago. Just felt the right thing to do. Our families were supportive. We even set up house with OUR money. No gifting by parents. It helped that ours was a love match and we had time to plan .

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Congratulations! Your blog post was selected for Tangy Tuesday Picks edition on Jan 12, 2016 at BlogAdda.

    Please find it here:
    http://blog.blogadda.com/2016/01/12/tangy-tuesday-picks-january-12-2016-indian-blog-posts

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I did it, infact! I made it clear to my wouldbe husband and father-in-law then that everything needs to be shared. Poor thing, they ended up spending more 🙂 It’s just not the wedding expense I think that should be shared but even the household stuff that girl’s parents give the daughters after marriage. As you said, when the couple is earning enough, it shouldn’t burden the parents, be it any side. But rather than we girls discussing this, I wish more men try to understand. I’ve seen guys who appear to be of perfectly genuine and honest types until the time for seedhanam from the bride’s side begins. They remain mum and leave everything to their parents’ call. Thoughtful of you to have brought about this discussion Janani. Appreciate your polite take on it. Probably that’s what girls of our generation are missing.

    Liked by 1 person

    • That is awesome. I am glad someone commented saying they really did it. Very true! I hope more men do it too but interestingly even women with who I spoke who are bold, independent etc when it comes to this topic didn’t really provide much support. Reason being it ll be an insult to my parents if we ask the other side etc. And yes, why should even seedhanam exist. It is two perfectly capable adults who can take care of themselves.

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  6. Agreed 🙂 you explained things also in a calm and understanding manner. Hope things can change rapidly.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Yeah agreed, beautiful post

    Liked by 2 people

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