Getti Melam, Getti Melam!



Groom Walks Out Of Wedding In Karnataka Over Bad Rasam Served In Function. No this isn’t fake news. This happened for real 15 days ago and was much discussed on social media. And these kind of things have been happening for years at Indian weddings, a relative getting upset with a color of saree gifted or in-laws getting upset if the size of the sweets were small. So it ranges from weddings getting cancelled to someone being discontent for years about something trivial. And of course completely oblivious to why the whole wedding was happening!!

So when Madhvi pinged about the topic she wanted to write, I thought it was perfect.  Thank you Madhvi for this amazing post. And YOU reading this -I hope you enjoy it as much as I did 🙂 

Madhvi writes at Shades of Grey, you can read more about her here.

There is something about weddings, irrespective of the amount of efforts, time and reserves sweated into the preparations. The to-be couple plans for their wedlock – along with families in some cases – weeks in advance, panning out from what may seem to some as the most trivial of the details to the biggies and the integral ones. And why should they not, given it is their day after all! Doubtlessly special, they shall hold the date at par in the subsequent years. I should add here that I have neither been a wedding person, nor do I see myself filling those shoes in the near future, simply for the reason that socialising is not my thing. Yet, I will make attempts to attend a wedding for the sake of witnessing the function, for somehow there breathes an unbeatable aura of togetherness coupled with an air of joy around these ceremonies.


Madhvi Kumar

The muhurtham of a recent wedding that I was a part of had ended by the time the first of the birds were out chirping. Naturally, the sense of basic integrity shouted out to us to deck-and-dab in those wee hours of morning to mark our attendance in time. Being an extremely early muhurtham, there weren’t many people seen milling about at the venue. In fact, by the time the marriage hall had filled, the priest’s call of “getti melam, getti melam” signifying the bride’s and the groom’s birth of togetherness was done away with. This. It is this moment in which I find something very holy and sacred. Something that holds an unadulterated impression about it. Something that does not have a bar, let alone be matched with. The moment in time freezes which is habitually followed by an eruption more often than not landing many in a state of tears. Tears of joy, as someone has rightly said. At this wedding, I knew the bride. As the surroundings froze with the first knot of that sacred yellow thread around her neck, our eyes met. This is equivalent to those moments when the bride and the groom utter “qubool hai”, or exchange their rings leaving the priest to promulgate “I pronounce you man and wife. You may now kiss the bride.” While most perched on their feet were preoccupied with showering their blessings or congratulating one another, our eyes latched onto each other. I may not have been beside her on the dais nonetheless, I was by her side. I gazed back resolutely, clearly at a loss of words in that overwhelming moment, while tears relentlessly streamed down our cheeks. I was happy for her; I was happy for them both, as I stuck up my right thumb, when in reality if having the brawn to bawl I would have, over the din screeching “Congratulations! You did it. You pulled it through. That’s awesome.”

At another wedding that happened to be a lot closer to me considering it was my brother’s, I was not only one of the key attendees, but had also gotten ready to welcome another daughter into the family, being the first and only one thus far. More so, she was to be my partner-in-crime, as I liked to refer to it back then (still do!). Considering this was the earlier of the two marriages I attended, the binding sentiments were completely alien, much so that I was surprised at unveiling my potential to weep at weddings! It is a different story though, that I shed tears for anything. Anyway, leaving this discussion aside for another day … It was particularly that moment when they tied the knot that broke me into tears. The waves ripped the shore apart with little mercy. Well, that is how it felt when you are one of those standing behind the groom helping him tie the knot. That string of yellow thumbing herein begins your journey.

For any wedding, the hosts typically invite relations, more significantly, the elders of the family. It makes sense for them to be present on one side to shower luck and wishes on the newly-wedded couple, however more so for the reason that wedlock’ed can borrow a leaf or two from them about sustenance. Of making their just-born relationship work. For having and taking that shot of experiencing the celebration of their fifth, tenth, twentieth or thirtieth wedding anniversaries together.

So bitch please! As invitees, it is okay if your needs were not for a change, considered as the need of the hour. It is okay if the couple conducted the ceremonies with a brass stick as against a gold-studded one. It is okay if for once, as elders, you were able to grant the newborns with merely your presence and blessings. It is okay if your return gift was not ‘returned’; it wasn’t intentional. It is okay if for once, you chose to join in the air of what has been, and not that of what could have been. Not for the sake of inadvertently missing out on the rituals and customs, but for the sake of the kids who considered your presence a privilege enough amidst their midst. Not for the sake of the other attendees, who also happen to be relatives at some levels, but for the sake of the two key families amid whom you are much respected. Not for the sake of gathering another manjal pai*, but for the sake of that manjal thaali** for which all else can take a backseat.

Have you had any good or bad experiences at weddings? Do share it with us. And I am still looking for contributors , so if you would like to write a post for my blog please write to Also, follow my page!

*Return gift  **The sacred thread


7 thoughts on “Getti Melam, Getti Melam!

  1. I have a similar experience – in my wedding itself, one of my close relatives walked out because he had some tussle with a housekeeping member – such frivolity!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Good one Madhvi – and Janani it is!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. As I read this post, I was reminiscing about my wedding 5 years ago. I can relate everything that you’ve put out. I did have tears of joy when my husband tied the knot. I’ve also experienced few of my relatives complaining about not being welcomed properly(not giving more importance to them) which sounds ridiculous to me. After all it’s an occasion to be together and enjoy. Yes, my wedding had all kinds of emotions and for the most part everyone was happy and blessed us. Wonderful write up, Jan!! 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thanks Honey Bee! I wish more people understand this and make it less awkward for the bride and groom. This was written by Madhvi, a fellow blogger 🙂 So I am only taking credit for posting it 😀

      Liked by 1 person

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