On people, closure and moving on!

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What is the other person is thinking of me?

Why is someone acting differently today?

Why was someone so rude ?

Why did I receive that snappy text?

Why didn’t the person care enough like I did?

Why was I treated unfairly?

Why was someone who was once my everything no longer a part of my life?

Why  did someone who said they loved me now seem indifferent?

Why did someone suddenly stop interacting like before?

There are a lot of whys about people and their actions for which we don’t always have an answer. Some small enough to move on and some that shake us off balance and make us question ourselves.

Everyone goes through this phase- it is only fair that we know the whys of certain behaviors or actions that caused us distress. Some of us can make peace over time while some cannot and it just stays in our head until we find answers. But what do you do when you cannot find answers? Here is my two cents:

Stop thinking and torturing yourself!

Yes , stop thinking about people and their actions. It sounds impossible and hard (and it is!) but that is the best you could do for yourself. As someone who claims to love people and relationships, I can also confidently say that they are the most volatile beings. They are the ones who drive you crazy especially when you care enough. People act according to their surroundings and situations. It might be a reciprocation of your actions or it might have nothing to do with you at all.

Someone who was your closest might suddenly distance themselves for one innocent tease that wasn’t so innocent to them while an acquaintance might decide to stay forever for that one good advice you offered. 

Every action is based on the culmination of various factors occurring at a particular moment. So stop beating yourself up for someone else’s actions. Be it someone you have known for years or only a few minutes. Stop thinking and obsessing over it because you sure aren’t in their thoughts. And remember, the ONLY person who is affected is yourself. So accept the action and move on. If it makes you feel better, never treat someone like how you don’t want to be treated.

And no, not every action have a closure or a logical explanation. 

As much as people form a part of our life, people are also the ones who pull you down.

So find a balance. As you start doubting yourself because of people and their actions, grow up and start moving towards things that gives you happiness and more towards your own self. Every time you start obsessing over an action, distract yourself. Go watch the movie you love or sign up for the 10K you were hesitant about and start training.

That doesn’t mean you have to shun people and act the same as how you think they did. Find a line where you don’t hurt yourself because of people around you.

That being said about people and their actions, let’s also remember that everyone is working towards their own life and goals. And we don’t know what someone is going through at a particular period of time. So as you work towards moving away from obsessing over actions , let’s also learn to be calm and forgive the same. Let’s try to check on our actions as well so that people don’t question themselves because of our actions.

What did you think of this post? Have you had actions in your life that had no closure? Has other’s behavior caused you self-doubt? Do leave a comment if you drop by 🙂

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7 thoughts on “On people, closure and moving on!

  1. Really great points here Jan. I struggle with this sometimes. As I think I mentioned recently on one of my posts, I am someone who in the past has apologized…for not apologizing for starters, and I have definitely obsessed about the things you mention here. Over time, and with guidance from my wife I have learned to gradually let go. To not hold on, or be worried about other people. And it truly does feel better than worrying about what my reaction should be in any given situation. I realized that others are either callous in their reactions, or oblivious. Either one is anything I can do anything about until it comes up again. Still learning!

    Liked by 1 person

    • “I realized that others are either callous in their reactions, or oblivious.” How true! I am learning as well. The post was a reflection of it!

      Liked by 1 person

      • I think its not just subject matter we learn about when we say we are ‘still learning’. I’m still learning about people and interactions on a daily basis. Mind you, my office is a microcosm of the entire scale! lol.

        Like

  2. Very well written, Jan. you spoke my mind in a way.. In life, I feel very few understand us, and we understand them, these could be mutually exclusive sets! but people have their own little secrets and layers, we all do.. so as you said, let go, be happy with the lot with us.. rather than chase after somebody is not there!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you! Absolutlely.. if we learn to live with people who at present care for us that’s a huge step in our maturity. There is no pint in expecting them to stay or chase after.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Very Well written. I guess people change across timelines. So the equation changes. The trick lies in learning to let go rather than blaming ourselves

    Liked by 1 person

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