Life with an introvert

When I was young I had a picture of the person I was going to spend the rest of my life with. It wasn’t tall, dark and handsome but someone with a sense of humor, outgoing, fun with a lot of friends and an active social life. I laugh when I think of it now. Because I am married to someone quite the opposite and I wouldn’t want to change it at any cost.

I heard on the radio recently a team trying to help a girl trying to make a decision. Why? Because she is in a relationship with a guy who is awesome, great, amazing but only to her. He isn’t a fan of social interactions. While he struggles to accept invitations, she is anxious as to how people will perceive him. If he will make an impression, what if he doesn’t talk , what if they don’t like him. etc. I was able to relate only too much with this lady. So she was seriously contemplating on if she wants to go ahead with this relationship. Not because of love, because she was concerned if he was going to feel hurt or if their relationship might suffer in the coming years. My heart went out for this girl because I completely understood what she was going through.

...but that doesn't mean they hate everyone.

The truth is I didn’t realize it until I was quite deep in the relationship. We bonded, spoke for hours, have pulled all-nighters just talking on the phone, he had a great sense of humor, extremely wise and knew the right things to say to a girl. As we grew closer I got to know the “dark side” as I call it. I realized he is a charmer with people he likes to spend time with, which at that time was just me (and also how much energy was sucked out of him to interact just with me).

I am an ambivert with more extrovert traits. And I love people. I like talking, spending time, introduce myself to strangers, know shopkeepers by their first name, keep finding ways to engage myself with more people. And here I have someone who has to be coaxed to interact with anyone other than the bare minimum. I used to be so anxious and doubtful as the woman on the radio. Worry about making impressions, what my friends or family would think of him. I did face awkward questions of how different he was from me. But what amazed me was he didn’t care about what anyone thought.

I also realized I didn’t really have (or understand) my introverted friends. So being my boyfriend as I observed more I was also as insensitive as many others. Questioning his solitude and silence. And so confused over how he can be happy being alone while I cribbed about it every chance I got. How staying home, quiet and low-key was better than going on a trip with friends. How someone can be rude and read at a restaurant instead of talking to the person right in front of him. Until I started reading more and discussing more about it.

We have grown to love and accept each other as who we are. I love being the center of attention and point of contact for everyone in both our lives while he is happy to be low-key and in the background with minimal interactions. I think we both have days where I am PO’ed because I hardly see him even though we live in the same house and he has a wife who is over-stimulated and active and talks more than he could handle and accepts invitations for social gatherings on his behalf (which he definitely isn’t happy about) but we are learning to live with each other 🙂

Do let me know your experiences and thoughts on this topic 🙂

It just means that getting to know them takes time.


5 thoughts on “Life with an introvert

  1. Great post Jan! I’m an introvert but I never really considered myself one until fairly recently. Before that it was always ‘Rob is just shy’. It was a real revelation actually. My good buddy (and blogger) Tasha posted this video on her blog once and my jaw dropped at how accurate it was! Love all your little graphs here too 😄

    Liked by 1 person

    • I didn’t think you were an introvert, you being out planner and the person who always tries to get us together. But I guess that’s because we were in your closer circle and you are comfortable with us! 🙂 I think it is good to acknowledge and be open and I really don’t like the fact that introverts are usually asked more questions or bullied. The graphs aren’t mine, didn’t realize they didn’t have any signature or link below them. Will add the source now.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Well I guess like with anything there are no absolutes. I’m a worrier a lot of the time too but certain things I have learned to manage our deal with better over the years. Some of which has rubbed off from my extroverted wife lol. As to planning I guess you are right, but that first time I had all kinds of knots in my stomach. Part of which was worrying about my choice of place and part was just the introvert thing.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Haha, it’s the opposite. I am your husband and my husband is you! But it’s so weird, when it’s the female in the marriage that’s the introvert. I think it’s socially more acceptable for a man to be introverted, but a woman? NO WAY. My family still doesn’t get why I haven’t invited people over and the anxiety I have over hosting dinner parties. I sometimes think my husband wishes I was more outgoing. And I sometimes wish he was less outgoing. But I think both of us have traits that help us become better human beings and I hope that you feel the same way about you and your husband. Honestly, if I were married to a dude like myself… it would be really boring and I don’t think I’d grow as a person. Growth, while necessary and a value, is not easy, and I need all the prodding I can get!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I completely agree. I am sure I would have faced much more if I was the introverted one. And sometimes I am amazed at what he can get away with (like not taking to people on the phone). Yes, a wise aunt of mine told us how we bring out the best traits out of each other and I think I am grateful for it. We are definitely trying to find a balance. We do not accept or decline any invitations without consulting the other. Wrt to growth I feel like he is the silent one who prods in his own way, stays in the shadows and helps me grow so we are kind of in the same boat in that aspect 🙂

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