Meet the Parents

Well, the wedding series continues and I am catching up on all drafts that were typed over the last month.


Isn’t that one of the exciting and nerve racking things after you have met the SO? If you are an NRI bride like me, chances are that you are going to ‘meet the parents’ only before your engagement or your wedding. Or the first time maybe even over Skype. However the case maybe, what are some things to keep in mind?
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Come on! Stop listening to your parents and lead your own life

Okay, I am happy the title caught your eye 😀 read on…


Transalation: Does not cross the line drawn (by a parent)!

I have been having  trouble trying to suppress my disinterest when I hear statements such as “He/She listens to his parent’s words and follows their advice only” , in Tamil they say ” Naan kizhicha kotta thaanda maata” meaning the child does not cross the line we lay. There are two interpretations here : (and other kinds!)

1. The said person really follows only the parent’s words and never talks back or , has no mind to think of their own.

2. The said person gives an illusion that they are an ideal child but who leads his/her own desired life but does not reveal it to the parents. Gives an illusion in real, over phone or Skype.


3. Has a mind of their own but lacks the confidence/resources to defy the parents and lead the life they want. (I have a lot of support and sympathy for such)

and then there is the fourth which I love (kindof ideal)

4. The ones who lead the life they want,have their own mind (and soul) and who are open about it and yet have a relationship that is based on love .

and last but not the least

5. Those who don’t give a shit and just lead their own way without caring about anyone.

So this post is about the above statement and what it depicts of the society. I heard the story of a neighbor of mine who refused to marry a boy when she knew that he gives his whole salary to his dad and expected her to do the same. When she asked why seems he replied ‘Father knows best.” (!!!!) Same with many girls as well who listen to their parents and then carry the pattern over to the husbands when they get married. There is famous Tamil movie called “Santhosh Subramaniam” where the son is of category number 3 and becomes 2 and finally turns into number 4. The whole movie is based about a controlling father and the meek son and a scene shows how he is taken to see a girl to marry and she answers “Appa sonnarunga” meaning “Dad told me” the whole time and totally gets to his nerves.

Anyways coming back to topic.. what should I really respond when someone says that? Is that what we want from any individual? Growing up to have no backbone or a mind of their own? Shouldn’t we feel proud when a child defies you with confidence? Shouldn’t we start living our own lives when we become adults instead of holding to the pallu(tip of a dress) of our moms sarees? I want the society to accept the fact that people can make mistakes yet lead their own lives rather than listen to someone ‘experienced’ , ‘elder’, ‘wise’ etc etc. The best people have their own life experiences to back up not someone else’s. Because the same people who support this so called following don’t just end it there but also reprimand when the line is crossed. Shouldn’t lines be crossed to learn where the line is? This could be a really long post but I wanted it to be short and just get this topic out for discussion,

I wish we have more parents who say do what you want and I ll support you. Children (who grow up to be adults)  should be taught to listen to all sides but in the end to make their own choices. And even better I want the statement “Naa kizhicha kotta thaanda maata ” to become extinct.

P.S. Though I love 4’s I do secretly love the 5’s just for their attitude 😛

What is your thought when you hear such a statement? What is the change you want? Who are you among 1-5?  Let me know 🙂

Raising a “good” daughter! (could also be called Happy Mother’s Day moral story)

Scene 1:

A month ago:

Mom:  I need to tell you something

J: Yeaass

Mom: X told me that you should be careful of what you post on Facebook. You keep posting “unnecessary things”. X said if someone sees if might affect you.

J (suppressing anger): Someone who?

Mom: You know ..from grooms side. You are in “kalyana vayasu” (marriageable age). Why don’t you post good things like nice songs or videos or funny pictures.

J ( temperature reaching boiling point): First, looks like your X has too much time to snoop into my profile. Second, what I post is what I believe in and what I would want a grooms side to see( if they ever do!). So don’t come to me and tell what X said instead go to that person and ask them to mind their own f**** business. And maybe you should stay away from nosy people like X.

Scene 2 :

Few years ago after attending a wedding:

Mom (looking a little worried): You know seems Y’s daughter’s MIL is praising her for her housekeeping skills and also praised Y for raising a “good” daughter.

J: Good for her.

Mom: She has done Masters in US and is taking care of her house and kid. Maybe you should also learn cooking and how to draw kolam ( art drawn on the floor by creative people during special occasions in India).

J ( who was 19 and had no reason to learn cooking or kolam – read had no creative skills whatsoever with food or colors nor was I interested in getting praised by an imaginary MIL): Oh nice.. Masters sounds good but not cooking or kolam. Amma, why don’t you think this way. That whose ever MIL you become, that guy should aim to get your praise for being raised as a “good” boy for having good housekeeping and child rearing skills 😛

Mom: Stop talking like an idiot.

I had had this conversation as a young ( maybe immature) girl and as a joke but when I reminisced about it recently  I realized it probably wasn’t a joke. First I wish parents like my mom who at all other times raised their daughter as an equalist become doubtful when they come in conversation with people like X and Y. Though I could reason out saying my mom should be wise enough to not get such things into her head I restrain myself from saying it because I know how it works in an Indian setting and given the freedom I had been given itself was her/their (why leave my dad out) achievement. X and Y are toxic people to such parents who care about their child’s education and empowerment. ( And I do hope they stay far far away!)

So Amma if you are reading this.. Happy Mother’s Day! 🙂 I am proud of you and the way you raised me. And unfortunately we don’t say it out loud but I love you! 🙂

Note: An element of fiction was added in the first part of the post to make my point clear. That is not an exact replication of the conversation I had with my mom.