Learn to love art and not to become super singers!

I heard a grandmother talking about how her 5 – year old is learning music and how..wait for it! The sentence did not end about how proud she was of the little one singing but ..again..wait for it.. about how her beats are uncoordinated with her tune and how initially her singing was off-tune as well. I unfortunately couldn’t keep quiet during this conversation and blurted out. It is a five year old ..FIVE YEAR OLD! And this is not the first time I hear such things. I have seen people around me having high standards, not for themselves but for others around and especially the next generation. It isn’t surprising because I have heard the same from my own mom, grandma and other family members when growing up.

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Come on! Stop listening to your parents and lead your own life

Okay, I am happy the title caught your eye 😀 read on…

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Transalation: Does not cross the line drawn (by a parent)!

I have been having  trouble trying to suppress my disinterest when I hear statements such as “He/She listens to his parent’s words and follows their advice only” , in Tamil they say ” Naan kizhicha kotta thaanda maata” meaning the child does not cross the line we lay. There are two interpretations here : (and other kinds!)

1. The said person really follows only the parent’s words and never talks back or , has no mind to think of their own.

2. The said person gives an illusion that they are an ideal child but who leads his/her own desired life but does not reveal it to the parents. Gives an illusion in real, over phone or Skype.

or

3. Has a mind of their own but lacks the confidence/resources to defy the parents and lead the life they want. (I have a lot of support and sympathy for such)

and then there is the fourth which I love (kindof ideal)

4. The ones who lead the life they want,have their own mind (and soul) and who are open about it and yet have a relationship that is based on love .

and last but not the least

5. Those who don’t give a shit and just lead their own way without caring about anyone.

So this post is about the above statement and what it depicts of the society. I heard the story of a neighbor of mine who refused to marry a boy when she knew that he gives his whole salary to his dad and expected her to do the same. When she asked why seems he replied ‘Father knows best.” (!!!!) Same with many girls as well who listen to their parents and then carry the pattern over to the husbands when they get married. There is famous Tamil movie called “Santhosh Subramaniam” where the son is of category number 3 and becomes 2 and finally turns into number 4. The whole movie is based about a controlling father and the meek son and a scene shows how he is taken to see a girl to marry and she answers “Appa sonnarunga” meaning “Dad told me” the whole time and totally gets to his nerves.

Anyways coming back to topic.. what should I really respond when someone says that? Is that what we want from any individual? Growing up to have no backbone or a mind of their own? Shouldn’t we feel proud when a child defies you with confidence? Shouldn’t we start living our own lives when we become adults instead of holding to the pallu(tip of a dress) of our moms sarees? I want the society to accept the fact that people can make mistakes yet lead their own lives rather than listen to someone ‘experienced’ , ‘elder’, ‘wise’ etc etc. The best people have their own life experiences to back up not someone else’s. Because the same people who support this so called following don’t just end it there but also reprimand when the line is crossed. Shouldn’t lines be crossed to learn where the line is? This could be a really long post but I wanted it to be short and just get this topic out for discussion,

I wish we have more parents who say do what you want and I ll support you. Children (who grow up to be adults)  should be taught to listen to all sides but in the end to make their own choices. And even better I want the statement “Naa kizhicha kotta thaanda maata ” to become extinct.

P.S. Though I love 4’s I do secretly love the 5’s just for their attitude 😛

What is your thought when you hear such a statement? What is the change you want? Who are you among 1-5?  Let me know 🙂

Pink or Blue or none?

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“Bhaiyya I like pink!” chimed the 5 year old boy to his 12 year old brother. “You are a girl, you are a girl!” sang the elder one. A conversation I overheard between two kids. The little one was crushed by his “bhaiyya’s” taunts. The conversation continued:

” NO! I am not a girl!”

“Yes you are. Only girls like pink.”

“No..I like pink and I am not a girl.” (Bravo!)

“You are if you like pink. You are a girl!”

“Mummaaaa..bhaiyya is calling me a girl.”

A conversation which I could only overhear and do nothing about other than vent. Can we blame the 12 year old for teasing his little brother or do we blame ourselves ? For representing gender with specific colors? For letting the market take us on and influence our kids? Pink for girls and blue for boys. It starts from the baby shower and goes on. All a gimmick to increase sales of certain products that is making us judge the preferences of our own kids. Will this little one be scarred because of this taunt from his “bhaiyya” who he looks upon?

As we grow, don’t we move away from these preferences?I know a lot of women who despise pink and men who wear pink (salmon!) colored clothes.

Let the girls race the hot wheels or make the Star Wars Lego sets and let the boys learn jewellery making or build a doll house if that is what they want to do. If you are a parent, I request you to keep an eye out for people who judge your child and please do not let anyone crush their choices!

Ummachi kanna kutthidum! (God will poke my eyes)

I have always seen parents teach very young kids two lines about God (and also make them say it to show off in social gatherings!). The two lines they are first taught is “ummachi kapaathu!” (God save me!) And “Ummachi kanna kutthidum ” ( God will poke our eye). Basically,  a toddler is being induced with fear of God with the two sentences that God has to save her/ him and if they make mistake their eyes will be poked or some punishment is going to be meted out. It might seem to be a very simple thing for people and you could question why waste a whole post on such a trivial thing. But think about it..just by those two sentences you are drilling a complex issue of a higher being without even giving a chance for the child to think. It’s like an experimental monkey who jumps every time it sees a banana. Every time the child sees a picture or figurine of God he/she joins their palms without knowing why and if they make a mistake they are made to assume that their eyes are going to be poked. Don’t you think the child will lose the trust or fear when they come to know that really doesn’t happen?
For believers who really want their children to grow up as a believer and who want to make an impact.. maybe children should be introduced about the whole system when they start understanding things instead of making them experimental monkeys (or robots!).