What if…..#InfertilityNotATaboo

“Sooo..any good news?”

“Are you guys planning a family?”

“Hasn’t it been a few years since you got married..have you checked with a doctor?”

“Maybe you should go to this temple and tie a cradle”

You probably guessed what the above questions are about.  Continue Reading

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The Six Month Milestone!

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Six months since the big day. Good food in our bellies, henna stained hands, decorated with colorful flowers, animated conversations and bright smiles,  surrounded by the people we love. The day I had to wake up at 2 AM to get decked up for the ceremonies that started at 5 AM 😛 It definitely was a very memorable day !

In the long four hour ceremony, I still remember that moment when I felt “married”. It wasn’t when my dad gave me away to the new family or when R tied the sacred knots. It was when the priest asked us to look into the other person’s eyes, after walking around the fire seven times. As we looked into each other’s eyes, the priest reminded us about love and our promise to be there for each other. It was the moment when it hit me , all teared up I said my vows silently, promising R my everything. Our words had always been love, compassion, commitment, acceptance and independence. Continue Reading

The ‘Married Name’ Conundrum!

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“You didn’t change your name ?” 

“No I didn’t because… “

I have answered it so many times now in the last few months.

No I am not offended by the question since it is a norm for centuries and so people are curious when someone decides not to change their name. And then comes the second question

“What would your name be if you had decided to change?”

“Ermm..” …the conversation continues for 30 more minutes as I explain the various aspects of a south-Indian name.
Continue Reading

The Weekend of Firsts!

I had changed my outfit thrice, checked my hair a few times and was all set to leave an hour earlier than required. It was a mix of excitement, a tiny bit of nervousness, loads of butterflies in my stomach. I was going to meet someone for the very first time. Someone with whom I had had some amazing conversations, someone whose calls brought a smile, someone I felt I had fallen for (or risen for), someone with whom I connected on different levels, someone who just felt right. We had been introduced by a common friend and had been chatting away for  a few months and finally our schedules matched to meet. I was supposed to meet him at the airport and check him into a hotel. I couldn’t eat. I killed time by going to the university store, bought a card and a stuffed mascot.

It was a 2 hour train ride to the airport and you can imagine what my over analytic, over thinking brain was going through. Is he the one? How is this weekend going to be? Is a weekend enough to make decisions? What if he is a psychopath? (Sorry R!) Should I have brought change of clothes just in case? What if I get heart broken? What happens next if it does work? I texted my friend with all this. She reassured that either way I was going to be fine and that with the progress in the last few months she seemed to think it was going to work.

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The first picture 🙂

At the airport: I was getting hungry and bought some munchkins to snack on. The plane had arrived. As I went up the escalator , he had already gone down (classic right?). I came back down looking at him LIVE for the first time with loads of butterflies. Our eyes met, he had an amazing smile showing off his dimple and came to give me a tightttt hug as soon as I got off the elevator. My doubts, nervousness, second guessing everything I should say vanished with that first touch. And so had my shyness.

We checked in to the hotel and it was almost mid night.

“So what do you want to do?” he asked.

“Ermm..I am hungry. Can we go to IHoP ? ”

The nearest one was a 30 min drive. I didn’t care. I was famished with all the waiting and excitement. So we went on our first mid-night drive. I ordered (didn’t really notice if he even ordered!!) and started gobbling my food as soon as it was served and when I looked up after a few minutes, he was looking at me, he plate almost untouched.

“Aren’t you eating?”

“No, I am not really hungry.”

“Emm..okay! But I am hungry and I am going to finish this okay??”

“Go ahead! And don’t worry about me.”

So I did finish my dinner or I should say an early breakfast with also a little guilt that the poor guy who had traveled from the other coast and who drove so far didn’t really eat anything.With other things looming in my head I never realized how I had ‘demanded’ a person meeting me for the first time to take me to a place in the middle of the night because I needed food. As you might already know, I love food and this incident for R was a glimpse into his future. He now drives to the places I want to try and many a time just looks at me eat (with oodles of love ) 😛 And many times we remind each other of when I wanted an omelette in the middle of the night (or the first date as I call it) and smirk!

And as we get all set to leave for the wedding. I have already listed out the places I want to go and eat in Chennai during the trip 😀

Continuing the story..We went back and spent the night chatting away for the most part. And we had an amazing first weekend together and by the end of it some decisions had been made 😉 And one of the important ones was that wherever we were I needed food every few hours. Being jet-lagged he had lost his appetite and also kept forgetting I needed replenishment. So there I was reminding that it was time for breakfast, lunch and dinner all three days 😀

We have had many more weekends, well planned and more eventful but our first still ranks the top.

It was our Weekend of Firsts 🙂

 

5 Discussions to have once you are Engaged

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Whether you have known each other for years or only a few months, you will be surprised at the number of people who really don’t know some basic things about their significant other. For starters I didn’t know R’s blood group or his designation at work until a month ago and we have been engaged for a year now 😮

So I came up with five things which (I think) you should talk about when you get committed/engaged with each other.

Continue Reading

Power of Touch

In response to Daily Prompt’s Power of Touch

I was watching the new show on Netflix yesterday called ‘Master of None’ by Aziz Ansari. In that particular episode, titled ‘Parents’ , Asian/Indian parents/parenting was portrayed. I could relate to it A LOT and I would confidently say many such as me would relate to it. In a scene, they talk about how Asian parents never hug or touch their kids in anyway. This is something I have lamented about my own many a time. My mom recoils if I even touch her accidentally and she kind of takes pride in that and finds (I think) the concept of touch kind of gross. I would find it extremely weird and thought maybe that is how it is supposed to be. So I don’t really have memories rushing in related to touch and childhood.

But things changed when I got to high school and college (No no, don’t let your imagination soar, I am from a very conservative society so the touches I am talking here are handshakes and hugs from close friends!). But growing up with almost no touch I found it weird to even shake hands with people in general and at the end of high school , I think it got better.
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Then came college where the awkwardness loosened and hugs with friends seemed pretty common . The positive thing being, when I think of touch all the memories do come rushing in about the fun I had had with the closest friends (who still are) in my life. And it only got better during grad school.

And now many a time memories with touch comfort me. Being in a long-distance relationship (LDR) with R is probably one of the best experiences in life. No I don’t exactly support it, LDRs suck but they also teach you of appreciating what you don’t have. What a hug everyday doesn’t bring out is brought out when you receive the same every few months. It taught me the power of touch and how that enhances your relationship with anyone. I hug my friends, family, my nephew and nieces and anyone who needs it. I hold anyone’s hand who are in need of comfort and love.
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There is a lot that can be conveyed via touch which cannot be expressed through words. That reassuring squeeze on your shoulder, those fingers interlocking your hand, that warm hug, that tight hug, that warm tight hug, that shoulder to cry on, that lap to rest your head, just the very minimal touch with your dear one next to you doing your own thing, did I mention hug?

So yes hugs rock , any good touch makes a lot of difference in your quality of life. What is the touch that affects you the most? And what do you miss? or wish to experience? Let me know 🙂

‘This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda.’

Relationship advice..maybe?

I recently initiated a discussion on my Facebook page about protecting ourselves from domestic abuse. Coming from a country where arranged marriage is a norm and it still being a fiercely patriarchal society I question the freedom (esp. females but concerns both genders) people have in making decisions about their life partner. Many Indians are still made to marry people they hardly know solely selected by family background, looks and wealth. Many separate due to incompatibility and abuse. Many stay in an abusive relationship due to fear of family name and to avoid shame. Ofcourse, there are always two sides to a coin and so are there couples who separate after finding a partner of their own choice or cases where people become abusive or change over time and end up being incompatible. But this is specifically to outline a few basic pointers to be followed by a more domestic abuse related one.

A compilation of various advice from my friends. Big thanks to everyone who had contributed to this discussion 🙂

Warning: This post is for open-minded people!

I don’t believe in Marriage(the legal thing!) to establish a relationship. Marriage is just another step in a relationship and a reason to have a great party called the Wedding. 😀  So these pointers are for a stable relationship and of course to make the legal bond more pleasant/easy maybe(!). So please feel free to interchange the words Marriage and Relationship wherever you prefer.

1. Matrimonial/Dating profile: Marriage is complicated and so is finding the right person. Someone who is really interested in finding the right person would take an effort to state what they want explicitly. Try to find such kinds. I personally would stay away from people who would judge someone solely in terms of their skin color, height or career. Isn’t it shallow to ask for a tall, slim, fair beautiful girl? Or Tall,dark, handsome guy with a six-figure salary? or what does traditional but modern even mean? Anyways, doesn’t life have more to it? So take your chances. My personal favorite is when a guy wants a “Strong and independent woman” 😉 It says a LOT about the guy. Again, descriptions can be deceptive as well so talk, meet before you judge or make a decision.

P.S. Stating that someone wants a fair or handsome person is not an explicit deal.

2. Long courtship:  Many who contributed to the discussion supported a long engagement or a long courtship. A friend once told me “You don’t have to get married unless you want to legally bear a child with the guy.” It did make some sense to me and maybe it would for many. So wait, enjoy your courtship and also use that time to observe the other person without prejudice ( or “blind love”) . Be yourself and create many opportunities to make the person be at ease as well. E.g. Hiding certain habits or baggage have proven to have caused rifts. So take all the time you need before you make the big decision.

3. Know yourself and face reality: Unless you know who you are you cannot decide whom you want. So spend time with yourself to understand yourself and what kind of a relationship you want to be in. Learn, unlearn and relearn. I used to believe I am going to marry the first person I date. Unfortunately, that isn’t life. It is ideal and it does happen to many but be ready to explore till you find the right one. Be ready to dive in and face everything a relationship has to offer. Learn to identify fixable and unfixable things.

4. Marry a friend: Another high-scorer. Or I would say become a friend before getting into any relationship, be it by dating or by formal sources. Make friends with the other person. Being friends is being yourself, being silly, being open about your relationships and being non-judgmental. If the other person becomes your best friend then you are one of the lucky ones, We do have friend-zoned issues in the present century which we hope to solve soon 😀

5. Relationship is a continuous effort: Before telling people about abuse and separation I do want to say that relationship is not a granted deal. Do not take it easy. It shouldn’t be hard or strenuous but remember that it is a continuous effort.To achieve that, a foundation of trust and honesty is to be established with the love. A sense of trust that whatever happens I am there. Everyday is a new beginning. A relationship beyond anything you have with anybody else in this world. A person to share your body and soul.

I want to be in a relationship with a person even after twenty-thirty years from now FOR the person. Not because we had children, not because we don’t have a choice, not because my family expects me to but for the companionship which cannot be sought from another.

To be continued..

As always.. I am open to discussions. Tell me if you agree, disagree or what topics you would want me to touch upon 🙂

Because my bff said only cute cats get most clicks and likes 😛

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